Summer of Bean

There was a very interesting conversation over at Sullivan’s blog this last week over deception in dating.  It started out with this post and continued.

But consider a more common scenario: two people who meet in a bar, or on Match.com, both with their share of character flaws. Perhaps one of them is more interested than the other. It is pretty to think the right answer is that any deception or manipulation is wrong — but aren’t a lot of things that strike us as fair game actually deceptive and manipulative?Makeup is worn. Always messy living rooms are cleaned up before one’s date arrives. A favorite poem is gleaned from her Facebook profile, memorized, and strategically dropped into conversation. That last seems a more marginal case than the others. Why? Does it cross the line? Why or why not?

Is it deception if I put on a nice shirt and try and pick up the place a little before bringing a date over? Isn’t that all part of the game?  Several girls I’ve known would have been mortified had I not done those few things.  They would have run screaming.  Conversely, I’ve had one date recently that ended almost immediately upon visiting her apartment.  The place smelled as though a litter box had been placed inside her oven which had been left on all week.  An extreme example?  Probably.  Would things have proceeded that evening (and perhaps longer…) had she aired the place out a little before bringing me over?  I dunno.  Maybe.

Doesn’t the prospect of finding a good mate make you want to straighten up and fly a little straighter?  Kimberly talked about her own flight a day or two ago.

This man is passionate, honest, self-actualizing, caring and full of life – when I interact with him, my best attributes come out and when we part, I leave feeling full of energy and inspiration to be a better version of myself.It’s simply breathtaking.

And maybe that’s the point. Maybe it takes that other person for us to become better versions of ourselves.

So I’ll be getting up a little early tomorrow to iron my shirt and make sure I have enough time to shave.  You never know who you’re going to meet or where.

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