But consider a more common scenario: two people who meet in a bar, or on Match.com, both with their share of character flaws. Perhaps one of them is more interested than the other. It is pretty to think the right answer is that any deception or manipulation is wrong — but aren’t a lot of things that strike us as fair game actually deceptive and manipulative?Makeup is worn. Always messy living rooms are cleaned up before one’s date arrives. A favorite poem is gleaned from her Facebook profile, memorized, and strategically dropped into conversation. That last seems a more marginal case than the others. Why? Does it cross the line? Why or why not?

Is it deception if I put on a nice shirt and try and pick up the place a little before bringing a date over? Isn’t that all part of the game?  Several girls I’ve known would have been mortified had I not done those few things.  They would have run screaming.  Conversely, I’ve had one date recently that ended almost immediately upon visiting her apartment.  The place smelled as though a litter box had been placed inside her oven which had been left on all week.  An extreme example?  Probably.  Would things have proceeded that evening (and perhaps longer…) had she aired the place out a little before bringing me over?  I dunno.  Maybe.

Doesn’t the prospect of finding a good mate make you want to straighten up and fly a little straighter?  Kimberly talked about her own flight a day or two ago.

This man is passionate, honest, self-actualizing, caring and full of life – when I interact with him, my best attributes come out and when we part, I leave feeling full of energy and inspiration to be a better version of myself.It’s simply breathtaking.

And maybe that’s the point. Maybe it takes that other person for us to become better versions of ourselves.

So I’ll be getting up a little early tomorrow to iron my shirt and make sure I have enough time to shave.  You never know who you’re going to meet or where.

My style has really never improved since.  I’ve had a few relationships over the years.  One with a girl in college who I was convinced was “the one”, as kids believe when they’re fresh out of high school and legally able to marry.  She dumped me at a homecoming dance and went home with another guy.  There was the waitress in Boise.  She was stone nuts.  I was 23 and she was 19.  She was “ready” to settle down and I was just happy to have a warm body lying next to me.  Actually it was her roommate I really wanted to get with, but she was taken.  So I settled.  An important lesson learned.  The roommate is still a dear friend of mine, and a part of me still holds out hope we can make a go of things one day.

There was the girl who worked for her mom.  There were a few girls in Arizona and a few more in Seattle.  And a few here in The Couv.  But nothing has really panned out.

Case in point, the last girl.  Christine.  We found each other on Facebook about six months ago.  We’d gone to high school together back in the day.  I had a minor crush on her.  Thought she was cute.  But she never really gave me the time of day.  Fast forward to today and she’s now twice-divorced with two kids, one by each husband.  That’s a lot of baggage, but certainly overcomable.  We went out a few times.  Had ourselves a good time.  But visiting her house, the whole place smelled like cat urine and stuff was just lying everywhere.  Add to that her constant insistence on buying me stuff and refusing to let me carry even my own bags, and we came to a problem.  I just couldn’t do it.  After a few weeks, I split.

Like I said, I don’t have much experience, either in longevity or in quality.  Come to think of it, it’s really not a whole lot unlike Jerry’s character on Seinfeld.  A lot of singles and doubles, but no real home runs.

Friday I took a home run swing.  And while I whiffed, I think I got her attention.  I ran a post-mortem on the whole situation with a female friend of mine and she informed me I’d made the biggest opening blunder a man could make.  I invited her to the movies.  In retrospect it was hardly a swing worthy of a home run girl, but it was what it was.  My friend informed me that high school was twenty years ago and I should probably step-up my game if I wanted to touch ‘em all.  And I do.

She went on to tell me about how she at first couldn’t stand her current beau and turned him down several times before finally giving in.

“You know what finally did it, Bean?” she asked.

“No.”

“He figured out what I was interested in and started asking me to do those things with him.”

An interesting concept, I suppose.

So what to do?  What activity do I invite her to?  Just dinner sounds boring.  As does a walk in the park.  I’m going to keep an eye on Around the Sun and see if something comes up.

The Amanda Peet Project is definitely going to take some time.

It seems a lot longer than two years since I declared the last Summer of Bean.  A lot has happened in that time.  I read The Dip and decided to try and live it.  I left a relatively stable job and struck out on my own to see what that felt like for a while.  I was published in the Portland Tribune, still one of the biggest and coolest things ever to happen to me.  And…  Well…  That’s about it.

So we take another swing at the Summer of Bean.  It’s all based, of course, on Seinfeld’s Summer of George, the summer in which George had been laid off by the Yankees and received three months severence.  You can read the Wikipedia entry here.  The episode’s script is here.  You’ll notice the categories on the right are based on the Wikipedia list.

1. Reading a book, from beginning to end and in that order.
2. Playing frolf. He plays at least once.
3. Watching television programming.
4. Relax and de-compress.
5. Mid-morning naps.
6. Insignificant telephone conversations.
7. Banging his head on tables.
8. Assisting Jerry in maintaining his relationship with Lanette (Amanda Peet), a younger woman Jerry is dating. 
9. Growing a mustache.

Not a bad list, no?  I’ve made some alterations, but I’m pretty faithful to the Wiki entry.  For example, rather than helping others out with their dating issues, I’ll be dating a reasonable substitute for Amanda Peet or at least attempting the same.  And as for the mustache, been there, done that.

 If you Google “Summer of George“, you come up with a couple of other websites with cool ideas based on a similar philosophy.  I may try and work a few of those things in too.  We shall see.

So this is going to be all about self-discovery and self-improvement.  A very mid-life thing to do.  Thanks for tagging along.